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July 12th, 2024
IWFC Stadium
7:35 PM
—
“Can both sides send out their Farters?!” Yelled Connor the fart judge.
“Hmmm… let’s see…” said Coach Todd as she looked at the bench.
“Coach!” Said Serafina, as she pointed to herself with both of her thumbs.
“Nahhh, I don’t wanna use up all her gas just yet…” mumbled Coach Todd as she looked past her.
Serafina crossed her arms in frustration. “Hmph!”
“Oooh! Oooh! Me! Me! Me!” Said Thunderhawk, kicking her feet and raising her hand.
“Nahhh…”
“How ’bout me coach?! I can feel a UFC match going down in my tummy right now!” Said Jimenez.
“Nahhh…”
“It’s a fart competition, not the Super Bowl… just pick someone already!” Said Giordano.
“A competition worth 350,000 dollars if we win! That means each of us will get about 50k split evenly! So yes, Rebecca, I’d like to make the right decision here!” Angrily retorted Coach Todd. “Jesus, sometimes you girls get on my last ner-“
PRRRRAAAAAAAAAAPPT!
“Alright! Who the hell- (sniiiiiff) oh god! Oh my fucking god! (cough!) Jesus! (COUGH!!) Good lord! Satan must’ve crawled up one of y’all’s asses and fucked a skunk because HOLY SHIT that stinks! (COOOUUGH!!!)” Said Coach Todd as she violently coughed into her jacket sleeve from the strong stench of sulfur.
“You alright there Walter White?” Joked Giordano.
“Oopsies! Ummm… sorry Coach! Thought it would be silent…” said Johnson, as she nervously fidgeted with her hair.
“Fucking Christ Johnson! I know I’m a fart coach but ya gotta spare my nostrils sometimes girl! Gimmie a warning or something before you do it! DAYUM!!”
“I don’t even think Vicky, Thunder, or Fina’s smell that bad and they’ve all got some of the worst smelling ones on the team!” Said Diaz, holding her nose.
“She’s right… I’m known for my stink and even MY ass has its limits!” Said Jimenez.
“Hmmmm… you know what?” Said Coach Todd “Johnson… GET YOUR ASS ON THAT FART FLOOR!”
“Really?!” Said Johnson in disbelief.
“Hell yeah! Now gone before I change my mind! Gone now!”
“Woohoo! I won’t let you down Coach!” She said as she got up fast out of her seat. “I can’t believe I’m going in! I’m so excited! I can’t wait to-“
(PLOMP!)
“Oof!” Said Johnson as she fell face first onto the floor.
FrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRAAAAABBBLLLLT!
“Uhhh… sorry!” She said, lifting her face up off the ground.
“HAHA! Did you seriously just (wheeeeze) eat shit and then fart?! (Wheeze) Oh my fucking god! Ohhhh my fucking GOD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!” Said Giordano as she laughed historically.
“BAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAAAAN’T!!!” Laughed Jimenez, hitting Giordano on the side of the arm.
“Nice going rook! That’ll show Japan! PFFFHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!” Laughed Serafina.
“Oh my gaawwwwd guys! Stop laughing that’s our teammate! It’s not funny! Stawwwwp! staw-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!” Laughed Thunderhawk.
“It’s not funny, I’m not gonna laugh… I’m not gonna laauuuggh…” Said Diaz under her breath. “I’m not gonna… -PFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!! I’M SORRY, BUT THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!”
“(Sigh) I’m already regrettin’ my decision…” said Coach Todd, putting her face in her palm “hehe, but that was kinda hilarious…” she said as a smile grew on her face.
Johnson stood in the fart square, her arms crossed. She looked over to the bench to see her steam still giggling about the fall she took earlier. “Hmph! Those jerks wanna keep laughing at me? Well I’ll show ’em that my farts are no laughing matter!”
“Very amusing, blonde American girl.”
“Huh?” Said Johnson, as she looked behind her to notice a player from Team Japan approaching.
“Your very participation in this match is a laughing matter.” Said the player.
“Wait what? What do you mean?”
“There is no way your team will win this. No possible way. Mō akiramete kudasai…”
“What?”
“Baka. Yaocho…”
“Huh?”
The Japanese player turned her back to Johnson and gazed off into the large, expansive sea of fans.
“Just get ready to lose, bitch!”
—
Farter Profile: Ume Nishimura 🇯🇵
Age: 23
Race/Ethnicity: Asian (Japanese 🇯🇵)
Physical Appearance: 5’6, 115 lbs, jet black hair, hachimaki headband, cold dead eyes, long neck, b cup breasts, very skinny frame, thin limbs
Hometown: Tokyo, Japan
Achievements: 1x Tokyo Fart Champion, 2x Japan Fart Champion Runner Up, 3rd place in Asian Fart Competition (2022), claims farts have killed plants from their smell, claims to have farts that are 110° degrees coming out of butt
Fart Speciality: Smell, sound, frequency
Nickname: Tokyo Whiff
—
“Pffff! Who’s that twig they put out to fart against Kayla?” Said Serafina on the bench “one fart from my ass and she gettin’ blown away like a leaf in a hurricane!”
“Yeah! I mean, you actually have to eat SOMETHING if you expect to fart good! Hahahaha!” laughed Jimenez.
“She is WAAAYYYY too skinny!” Said Diaz “I bet if a stick figure stood next to her it would be jealous of her figure!”
“HA! bursa escort Good one!” Said Jimenez.
“Both of her legs are still only half the size of one of my thighs! Hahahaha!” Laughed Serafina.
“HEY JACK SKELLINGTON! HALLOWEEN TOWN IS THAT WAY!!!” Said Giordano, pointing to the entrance to the locker room.
“HAHAHAHAHA!” Laughed all the girls.
Nishimura looked over to the Team USA bench to see the girls laughing at her. She shook her head “…no sportsmanship. Classless Americans…” she mumbled, as she took her stance in front of the judge.
“On your marks…”
“Get set…”
“Fart! Onara!”
PIIIIIIIEEEEEEEERRRRIIIIIIIPP!
Nishimura came out swinging, with a loud, airy fart that carried a powerful stench of rotting fish and milk, the fumes hitting Johnson right in her face, who was standing to her right.
“YOI ONARA!!” Yelled Coach Iwasaki, clapping her hands. “YOI ONARA!!”
“(Bleeech!)” gagged Johnson. “You’re telling me I’m gonna have to be sniffing this the whole round? I already regret asking Coach to put me in already!”
REEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMFFFTTT!
“(Sniiif) (BLEEECH!) Do all Japanese people’s farts smell like this? I hope not!”
“COME OOOON JOHNSOOON, START FARTIIIING!” Barked Coach Todd. “I DIDN’T PUT YOUR BEHIND IN THE DAMN MATCH FOR NOTHIN’!”
Nishimura strained and forced out another ear piercing fart.
IIIIIIIIIIRRRRREEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIMMMMFF!
“Aw fuck, Johnson’s getting destroyed out there! I guess we’re gonna have to think of an alternative strategy! Quick Vicky, Go out there and sit on that Japanese girl! The weight of your ass will surely break her in half!” Said Giordano.
“(Sigh)…Fuck you Becky…” said Jimenez
“Hahaha… I should TOTALLY do stand up!” Said Giordano, leaning back into her chair.
PIIIIEEEEEERRRRRUUUMTT!
Nishimura pushed out another loud fart, the smell of rotting fish and expired milk intensifying around the three of them.
“Oh god, oh god, I gotta start farting, quick!” Thought Johnson “c’mon stomach… PRODUCE GAS!”
(Guuuurrrggle)
“Oh my god! I feel something! Oh wait, didn’t Coach mention earlier that I should warn her when in about to fart? I better tell her then!”
“COOOOOAAACH!” Bellowed Johnson “I’M GONNA FART!”
“WELL THEN FART JOHNSON!!” Yelled Coach back “WHY THE HELL ARE YA TELLIN ME?!”
“YOU SAID TO WARN YOU BEFORE I DO IT, REMEMBER?!”
“GOD DAMMIT I DIDN’T MEAN- (sigh) I DIDN’T MEAN WHEN YOU’RE ACTUALLY IN THE DAMN MATCH JOHNSON!!! ONLY WHEN YOU’RE AROUND ME!!!”
“OH, OKAY THEN!!”
“(Sigh) bless her heart… that girl is so damn dumb that if you were to put her brain in a duck, it would fly backwards!” Said Coach Todd, as she rubbed her eyes out of annoyance.
“HNNNNNNNNGGG!!”
PRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBLLLLLLLTTT!
A steamy, piping hot fart roared out of Johnson’s ass, the sharp smell of eggs along with poop began to battle with the rotting fish and milk smell of Nishimura’s farts.
“(HAAAAAACCK!) man, the fishy smell was already enough, but the eggs? Fuck, my nose can only take so much torture in one round!” Said Connor, as he inhaled the two ladies’ butt fumes.
(Guuurrrgle)
“Oooh! I got another one!”
FRRRRAAAAAAAAAAMMMFFFTT!
“(HAAAAACK!) Those eggs, man!” Said Connor.
“Sorry back there, judge! Had to make sure I was gassy this match, hehe!” Said Johnson.
“(Sniiiif) Tamago wa totemo kusaidesu…” said Nishimura under her breath, inhaling Johnson’s fumes, as she lifted up her leg to release a fart of her own.
PIIIIIIIIEEEEEERRRRRRUUUUMPT!
“Ahhhhhhh.” She said, relieved.
Johnson quickly responded with another hot, sulfiric fart.
RRRRRRRRRRRRBBBBBBBLLLLAAAATTT!
“Wheeeew! I feel 10 pounds lighter after that one!” She said, as she patted her stomach.
Nishimura sniffed the air heavily, and noticed that somehow, Johnson’s smell was easily overpowering hers, which maddened her. She had done so much “preparation” before the match to maximize the stink, sound, length, force, and frequency of her farts for it to all be futile against some dumb American girl who ate a bunch of eggs that morning…
“Mmmmmmmm…motto onara shinakya!” She said to herself, as she tries to force out another fart. “HHHHNNNNNNNGGG!”
FRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPT!
This fart was significantly louder and smellier than her last ones, combating with Johnson’s lingering spicy-eggy smell.
“(Sniiiiiiff) I guess I gotta step it up!” Said Johnson.
BBBRRRRRRRRERRUUUUUUUUUUUMMMPT
FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLT!
PRAAAAAAAAAAPPPTFTFTFTFFFFSSSS!
RRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFLLLAAAABBBLLT!
Nishimura strained hard, trying to respond to Johnson’s fart, but could not.
“Kuso! I’m running out of farts! I must’ve not drunk enough of the elixir!” She thought.
“Ten seconds! Ten seconds remaining!”
“Ten seconds? Guess I better leave it all on the Fart Square!” Said Johnson, as she pushed the hardest she could.
BBBBBBRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPTTT!
THHHUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMP!
FWWWWWAAAAAAAAAPPPPPTTTTTT!
“(Sigh) bursa escort bayan whew! I think that’s all of ’em!” Said Johnson, as she fanned her ass.
“(Bleeeech!) TIME! Ladies it’s, uh… panty time!” Said Connor, as he went over to Nishimura.
“Fuck… this one will be harder to lie about… I actually think the blonde bitch actually had the better farts this round. Nishi just didn’t bring her A-game today. Dammit, why Nishi?? Why the fuck do you have to make it harder on me??” he thought, as he checked Nishimura’s panties. “Oh *great…* there’s a good amount of shit in these… dammit!”
“Ummm… uhhhh…” Stammered Connor. “N-no fecal matter for Team Japan!”
“No fecal matter? Again?! Damn, the Japanese are fucking masters when it comes to ripping ass!” Said Coach Todd.
“I don’t know Coach… I just have this weird feeling that she might’ve shit…” said Jimenez.
“Ok… now to check blondie’s panties…” Connor said, as he looked down Johnson’s waistband.
“Wait, she didn’t shit??” He thought. “Fuck, she’s more talented than I thought… any other farter would’ve had a pile of crap in their panties if they were ripping bombs like her… dammit… if this was any other match, I’d definitely give her the win for this round! You know what, fuck it! I’ll dangle the carrot in their faces!”
“Uhhh… no fecal matter for Team USA!” He said.
The team USA fans in the crowd began to lightly cheer for about 10 or so seconds. “Woohoo! That’s what I’m talkin about! U-S-A! U-S-A!” Cheered a fan.
“Ok… now I gotta think… how do I make the final score of the round look believable? I mean, blondie over there farted way more than Nishimura… as well as hers stinking way more… I don’t know man… if I just blindly give the round to Nishi it’ll just seem to sus!”
“GOD DAMMIT, JUDGE!! WHAT’S THE FINAL SCORE FOR THE ROUND??” Yelled Coach Iwasaki.
Connor turned around towards Iwasaki, her facial expression as angry as can be. She sent shivers down his spine. “oh fuck, Iwasaki!” He thought “Fuck, fuck, fuck! Make a decision Connor!”
“Uhhhh…” He stammered.
“Jesus, what in god’s name is wrong with that Judge?” Said Coach Todd to Serafina.
“Yeah, his ass takin FOREVER. Like just make a damn decision already!” Replied Serafina.
“Uhhh…I…” he stammered again.
“Do do do do-do-do do dooo…” said Giordano, humming the Jeopardy theme.
“I… I…”
“Welp, better get comfortable guys, looks like we’ll be waiting here ’till the heat death of the fuckin’ universe!” Said Giordano.
“Even that’s an understatement. Ugggh!” Groaned Diaz.
“Fuck, I can’t throw this round, I can’t!” He thought.
“I think I’m gonna have to give it to Team USA!”
“Ok… I have d-decided, a-after uhhh… many moments of consideration that by a score of 10-8, Team USA has won this round!” Said Connor.
“KUUUUSSSSOOOOOOOO!” Cursed Coach Iwasaki.
“Wait, I won? Oh my gosh! Coach is gonna be so proud! Yaaaayy!” Said Johnson, as she jumped up and down and headed to the bench. “Heck yeah!! You can’t stop the J-Train baby! Uh-huh!!”
“Shikita ga nai…” said Nishimura, as she shrugged and walked back to the bench.
“HEY, JUDGE!!” Yelled Iwasaki.
“WHAT??” Replied Connor.
“What the fuck?” Mouthed Iwasaki to Connor.
“Sorry!” Mouthed Connor back.
—
“Send out your Farters please!” Announced Connor.
“Alright… let’s see here… uhhh… Diaz! Go in!” Said Coach Todd.
“Let’s goooo!” Diaz said as she jumped out of her seat “hmmm… I wonder what time it is y’all. What time is it?”
Serafina rolled her eyes. “Uggghh, just go in already bitch!”
“It’s Diaz time baby! Uh-huh! Yeah! Let’s goooo!” She said, as she repeatedly tapped the top of the wrist with her pointer finger. “My watch here says it’s DIAZ time!”
“Just go in the damn game already Diaz!” Said Coach Todd.
Diaz, grinning from ear to ear, jogged out to the Fart Square, and received a light standing ovation from the fans.
“GO GET ‘EM DIAZ!!” Screamed a fan.
“Heh-heh, I see the Americans getting all excited, and believe that they could actually win this match…” said Iwasaki. “…well let’s put an end to those high hopes…”
“SUGIYAMA KIKO, DETE KITE!”
“Hai!” Said Sugiyama, as she rushed to stand before Iwasaki.
“Kiko, haitte hoshī-“
“Matte!” Exclaimed Sugiyama, as she ran back to the bench.
Sugiyama sat back down onto the chair and grabbed a large duffel bag from behind her seat. She dug deeply and pulled out the large bottle of Gashoprisine that she and the team had drunk out of before the match.
(GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG GLUG)
“Ā,-SŌDA NEEEEE!!!” She cried as she furiously chucked the empty bottle onto the floor.
“AMERIKA WA HOROBIRUDARAUUUUU!!!” She screamed again as she ran into the fart square.
“The hell she so damn hyped up for? Ol’ girl needa chill out!” escort bayan Said Serafina.
“YOU, AMERICAN GIRL!!” Exclaimed Sugiyama as she pointed to Diaz.
“Who, me?” Said Diaz, pointing to herself.
“YOU’RE GOING DOOOWWWWN!!!”
Diaz noticed that Sugiyama’s mouth was frothing seemingly uncontrollably; grayish brown liquid coated her teeth and was dripping down from her lips onto the fart floor. Her eyes were also bloodshot red as well as her skin looking significantly more flushed.
“Ummm… girl are you ok?” Asked Diaz, as she backed away slowly.
“AMERIKA NI SHI O! NIHON GA TŌCHI SHIMASU YŌ NI!!!” She screamed at the top of her lungs. “WATASHI WA KŌFUN SHITE IRU YO, KUSO YARŌ!!!!”
“Sugiyama, why the hell are you so damn riled up?” Said Connor as he approached her. “You need to calm–OH SHIT!”
He was cut off, as he noticed the Gasphorisine liquid practically frothing from her mouth. “Shit! She must’ve drank too much of the stuff!!
“Uhhh, just get into position, ladies!” Said Connor.
“Um, no. I’m not standing anywhere near that beast!” Said Diaz.
(Guuurrrrgle)
“Itaiiiiiii!” Cried Sugiyama, as she fell to her knees. “Watashi… no… onaka… watashi no-“
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPTT!
Out of her ass erupted a large fart, that came with a powerful shit smell.
“Itaaaiiiii!!!” Sugiyama wailed again, clenching her stomach while now laying on her back.
PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFTTT!!
Another large fart came out of her ass, carrying even more of a shit smell than the last.
“Oh god!” Said Diaz as she held her mouth. “it smells like the purest form of shit you could imagine! (Bleeeech!) I think I’m gonna be sick!”
“(HAAAAACCCK!) Fucking Christ! That shit smells like a burning tire rolling threw a New York Sewer!” Said Connor as he convulsed.
“Yo, what’s going on with Suckiyama over there?” Said Giordano. “The fuck does she keep ripping those monster fucking farts for? The round hasn’t even started yet!”
“I dunno, maybe she had dairy before the competition!” Replied Thunderhawk. “I mean, I do the same thing every time I have ice cream, but boy is ice cream so worth it!!”
“I feel bad for your stomach Thunder… and your panties…” said Giordano.
“Kiko, KIKO!” Said Iwasaki as she ran towards Sugiyama on the floor. “Daijōbudesuka!”
Sugiyama, in immense pain, used all her power to get up off the floor. “Genkidesu…” she said as she shooed off Iwasaki. “GENKIDESU!!!!”
Iwasaki backed off of her and stormed towards Connor “This plan is all falling apart, and it’s all because of you! If you just let us win in round 2, we wouldn’t be in this situation!” She loudly whispered to him while in his face.
“What?! My fault?! I couldn’t just give you the win! Team USA clearly had the better farts and me letting you guys win the round would’ve just made it so obvious that the match is fucking RIGGED! I gotta make it look realistic, you know?” He whispered back.
“Who cares?? The fucking IWFC committee probably doesn’t! Adrianna’s probably gonna pay them off too!”
“The fans fucking care! Think about the fucking Tean USA fans Iwasaki! I don’t want any of them to suspect that the match is fucking fixed at all, because lord knows it’ll be a huge debacle all over social media! I don’t wanna go down as the judge who rigged the 2024 IWFC Championship for god’s sake! Now go back to your bench!”
“(Smacks lips) fine! Take all the rounds you fucking need, but just remember, 100,000 dollars! 100k, Connor!” Whispered Iwasaki as she stomped her feet back to the Team Japan bench.
“Ladies, asses, face! Now!” Demanded Connor.
“Itaaaiiii!” Mumbled Sugiyama as she drug her feet to stand in front of his face.
“On your marks…”
“Get set…”
“Toot!”
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFTTSSSSSSSS!!
“(HAAAAAAAAAAACCCK!) FUCK! FUCK, I DON’T KNOW IF I COULD TAKE THIS!!” Exclaimed Connor as he inhaled Sugiyama’s intense shit smell.
“SORE O KAIDE KUDESAIIIIIII!!” Screamed Sugiyama as she violently smacked her stomach repeatedly.
“Shit! She’s getting all riled up again! Fuck, that bitch scares me bro!!” Though Diaz in her mind.
“IMA KONO NIOI KAIDE KUDESAIIIIIII!!!!!” Cried Sugiyama, her facial muscles contracting as she forced out more gas.
PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSSSSSSSRRRRRRRRRRREERIIIIIIIP
“KUSOOOOO SŌDA NE!!!”
VVVVVRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMPPPPPRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBLLLLLLTTTTSSSHHHHHFLUUUUUUUUURRRRPT!
“(AAAACCCCCKKK!) have mercy on my nostrils!” Yelled Connor.
Diaz dry heaved over and over, the smell of shit as well as the hot air being too intense for her to handle. “(HUUUUAAAAAAGGHHH!!) ¡CARAJO! Why did I have to become a professional farter??? (EEUUUUUUAAAAGGGH!!)”
“DIAZ!!! START RIPPING ASS!!” Yelled Coach Todd. “THIS IS THE FUCKING CHAMPIONSHIP FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD!!! COME ON NOW!!”
“Oh no, oh no!!! Coach is getting mad at me! I gotta start farting! HNNNNNGGG!” She said as she tried to push.
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